Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Can't Keep My Eyes Open

I've probably refreshed my Yahoo! mail a record 1,000 times today and I didn't even get in till after 10. The gray is diffusing itself through the windows and into my brain. Even my typing is sluggish. I am the most current-events savvy I've ever been and I work for a newspaper. Indicative of the time I've spent futzing around news sites. Someone in the cube next to me is listening to that awful bunny rap that made the rounds online last Easter. You know the one I am talking about. Too tired to even slur out a comment. It's not like I didn't drink coffee this morning. I had 2 cups while I listened to that guy prattle on and on about Broadband's effect on Internet behavior and its pending sway with online advertising. Tell me something I haven't heard 100 times, please. But the eggs were good; really milky. Maybe that's what it is. I've gone into anaphylactic shock and this is the induced stupor. I'm too lazy to even hit return and make a new paragraph. I surprise myself that I am even capitalizing my words. I'll make this entry all stream of consciousness, just like James Joyce. I'll flow into my own private Finnegans Wake. Anyone ever heard of that convoluted "masterpiece" by Joyce? It took him 20 years to write and he believed it should take the reader just as long to soak it in. I bought it in high school, determined to make it a project to complete. Don't think I passed page 10, and those 10 pages were an exercise in pure gibberish fancy. Someone else just opened the bunny Easter card and they are all giggly about it. Now they are going to converse about how cute it is. Phone's ringing to distract me. It says 'Private', so I won't answer. It's LifeSource, to be sure. Stephanie told them once to stop calling me. They did for awhile, but now they're back. What if it's not them, though? What if it's some long-lost friend who's been trying me 3 times a day for the past month, trying to rekindle a relationship? What if it's a job offer? Something really exciting and far removed from my current day-to-day? Like ghost hunting. I'd love to be a ghost hunter. What a thrill. I miss the ghost(s) that lives in my last apartment. I hope their new tenant is treating them well. I think I am currently ghostless, though my interactive Edna doll has been unduly mouthy lately. She speaks to me at the strangest times, the best being when my feet hit the floor first thing in the morning. I've asked her if there's anything she needs to tell me, not-so-secretly hoping she'll break from her script and divulge some cosmic secret to me simply because I asked nicely. Hasn't happened yet, but I will keep the discourse alive. (Stall in type.) Just refreshed my Yahoo! again. Nothing. Well, not nothing. PalmerCash wants me to buy another witty t-shirt from them. Maybe I will. Not today. Yahoo! 360 is currently being previewed with select Yahoo! faves. I have requested an invite myself, but sit like a wallflower waiting for them to ask me to dance. Can't be too disappointed, they are about to up my email space to 1G at the end of April. How nice of them. Keeping up the the Googles. I never did get an invite from Google for GMail. I wonder if it got lost in the (e) mail. I could feel slighted there, too, as I have been down day one with the G, but I don't have the energy or inclination to feel too thwarted today. Just need sleep. (Stall in type.) Ew. Work email. Renee just came over and started cleaning her glasses on my fleece. I told her I had a special cloth just for glasses in my purse, but whatever gunk she was trying to ditch, she'd freed on my jacket by the time I could drip the words out. Woke me up a little bit at least- a visitor. I might start reading all my bulk mail to keep from nodding off. (Stall in type.) I just looked up "sleepy" under Google images and I got this one in particular that made me yawn and snuggle down in my Aeron a little further: http://www.big-p.com/var/storage/images-versioned/2117/1-eng-GB/sleepy_kitten1_wp1024.jpg. Now, don't make fun of me cause it's a picture of a kitten. I'm not one of those types, though I do go a little insane over dogs. I don't have any Anne Geddes shit posted at my desk, I don't forward mushy or God-related emails. Come to think of it, I really rarely forward emails at all, unless I am passing on specific and relevant information or showing a friend what jack-ass thing another friend said. I just thought the photo of the kitten was perfect because the tiny beast seemed so contently at rest. Plus, the lighting was just perfect for napping. I felt like I was in the room with the kitten and I was about to lie down to close my eyes. Maybe the kitten would've climbed up to nuzzle under my chin and soundtrack the nap with some deep, contented purring. That would be nice. PlamerCash didn't have anything I want. I wonder what eBay has. They are 10 years old now. Blows my mind a little. Can you say something blows your mind 'a little'? That's kind of a justaposition. So 10 years ago I was 19. 19. One more time. 19. I was in college. I was living in Bragaw with Jess. Good times, I tell you. Working at the Y, skipping class. Life was good. I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Leave for NYC on a whim at 11pm on a Thursday night? Sure. I miss being able to do that, though even if I could now, there'd be no one else who could go with me. All my friends either have 9-5's or they're improvisers with no money to go anywhere. What a shitty standoff. So, what if I quit this job and forced myself to find something that is a better fit? What would be a better fit? Lots of things. We've already established ghost hunter as a forerunner. I remember taking a career placement test in 8th grade that was supposed to match your skills and interests to give you the perfect career. Talk show host was my #1 call. Gotta say they hit the nail on the head with that one. I wish I could remember anything else on the list. I think I saw #1 and focused on that fantasy, blurring out any other alternatives. I believe I would be very good at anything mechanical. Auto mechanics, namely. I like trying to figure out how things work. This like applies to people as well. I love staring at people and trying to imagine what they're thinking, what motivates them, what their biggest heartbreak was, what secret they are keeping, who they love, who they love and have not told, what they are like when no one is watching... I think the best way to see who someone really is is to catch them when they think no one is watching. It's 2:46pm and I just looked at a draft of this post. It's getting pretty lengthy. I think if I go another hour or 2 I'll have the beginnings of a novella. How long does a novella have to be, anyway? Hold please... Here's our answer on that one:

In English, a novella is a story mid-way—in length (30–40,000 words) and structural complexity—between a short story (500–15,000 words) and a novel (60,0000 words, minimum). A novella focuses upon a single chain of events with a psychologically surprising turning point, e.g. Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, by Robert Louis Stevenson; and Heart of Darkness, by Joseph Conrad.

I can't copy and paste this in current form, so I can't word count it in Word. I bet I can worm around that... 1,353. Only 28,647 to go. It's now 2:55pm. I think I need to get up and walk around. Maybe hit my Rice Krispie Treat early today. Maybe a nice sugar rush will fix things. I'll write until 3 even. Yes, I am that Monica Gellar, that OC. Needs to be even. Need to top off my gas at $15 even. $15.01 won't do, though I am working at embracing, nay, adoring perceived 'imperfections', as they are all over. I wouldn't say I am ridiculous about it, but sometimes I'll sacrifice time I don't have to match up, even out, smoothe over things that don't need the attention. A quirk, I suppose. Quirks are good. Who wants to be boring? Everyone's gotta have 'a thing', right? Or in my case, a host of them. One more minute. And just in time. My head hurts. Aleve and a RKT. Almost as good as a Goody's and a Coke. It's now 3- and the sun is out.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Set to Shuffle

Ran 6 miles today at lunch. Here, 2 weeks out from the big Shammie Shuffle, I think I am more than qualified to run. Gotta say, though, treadmill running is super boring. Only highlights how out-of-control my ADD can be. Today, I felt The-Shining-bored stuck on the treadmill, going nowhere. I was having disturbing thoughts, rooted thick in my boredom. Body felt fine, but I felt caged on that thing. Antsy, which might have been where all the energy came from- nerves. Good thing the weather is fittin' to change so I can get outside and roam. That treadmill will be the death of me- or the guy running next to me.

Duke is Puke

Scott Tillett wrote:

go state


Amber Tillett wrote:

speaking of you, a unc grad, saying "go state", my friend gordon (duke grad alum) was bitching at me last night for not rooting for duke. he said i was a bad north carolinian because i wouldn't root for them and how he roots for state when they play, etc. i told him duke does not count because it is not part of the unc system, nc is nowhere in their name and no one who goes there is from nc. plus, i was raised to hate them. hate, i tell you. anyway, i thought that was funny cause he tried to tell me that if i love him, i should love duke. um, no thanks.


Scott Tillett wrote:

That's absurd! I mean, who would name a child Gordon?!


Amber Tillett wrote:

that made me laugh so hard.


Scott Tillett wrote:

Seriously ...

A) Cheering for someone can't possibly change the outcome of the game unless you are within earshot of the players.

B) Duke, Wake Forest, other private universities have no business being in the NCAA. Go play with yourselves. I just don't like mixing public and private entities. Private institutions certainly keep up lots of barriers and walls to "the public," so why should an association made up predominantly of public universities knock down its walls to allow in private universities? Besides, their rich-bitch fans are royal pricks.

C) The only thing Duke does for the benefit of North Carolina is run a hospital and share a name with the makers of that damn good mayonnaise. Duke educates people from out of state, and those people mostly leave NC when they've gotten their education. The university is an insignificant asset to the state. Why is it even in NC? Oh yeah. The Jersey kids needed clean beaches to go to.

D) Dick Vitale.

E) http://www.truthaboutduke.com/

F) Duke sucks.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Motley PEW!

A few people have asked me how the show was. “Enh”, I say. I think I did much more mocking than rocking for this show in particular. Here’s why I think I am left with this blasé feel, after all that anticipation…

First of all, I think some song renaming is in order. We'll start with these:

Indoor Voices at the Devil
Mild Side
Without Prunes
Rest Home Sweet Rest Home

During 'Kick Start My Heart' Mick actually fell and a tech came out, defibrilator in tow. Lovely. Tommy was swinging over the crowd during his now-trite-in-its-attempt-to-wow solo and I begged for him to rip off a leg and dangle over the crowd, raining blood.

"Titty Cam" was the same ole shit, but for every year I age I get more and more evil-pissed that the cromags around these poor, misguided women always have to reach out and fondle. God, please let me be close enough just once to get a good grip on some asshole's forearm and find a quick fulcrum for a clean, but painful break. Fuckers.

Every time MC announced they were gonna "rock" a new song, the audience quickly, and unanimously, found their seats. Made me think... They should bring in The Crue to dissolve riots. They'd announce they were going to play some "new shit" and all the looting miscreants would act as if tranquilized and take a seat.

The show wasn't very exciting, no matter how much fire they had on stage. Sadly my trip to the pisser upstaged The Crue.

So the highlight of the night goes to Don, who had a lovely conversation with a Steak 'n' Shake that ended with this world-class quote:

"I'll have to file that under fictitious. It's a big file."

All in all, Motley Boo.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

ACC Love Letters: Round One

dear maryland,
sorry you're out of the acc tourney in the very first round.
love,
the wolfpack


dear wolfpack,
bite my ass.
love,
maryland


dear maryland,
clemson already did. clemson, mind you.
love,
the wolfpack


dear wolfpack,
why you gotta be such a bitch all the time? i mean, really.
love,
maryland

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

On the Eve of the Crue

Johnson and I are getting all dorked up about the big night tomorrow night. Bouncing emails back and forth on all things Crue. Hypothesizing on what to expect for tomorrow night's feast for the demented senses. Here's a snippet of what we think. Thanks to Johnson and his always-on quips. The day after the sinful showdown, mayhaps I will post our post-show musings.

From: Amber
Sent: Wednesday, March 09, 2005 11:04 AM
To: Johnson
Subject: RE: Crue


maybe i'll just cut and paste this convo into my blog. i've been meaning to get you on for a guest spot...

"Johnson" wrote:

I don’t think they have a show tonight, so yes, I think they are here right now.

All four of those are great – but I laughed out loud at the Mick comment…

From: Amber
Sent: Wednesday, March 09, 2005 10:58 AM
To: Johnson
Subject: RE: Crue


do you think they're here? could you imagine? makes me want to head out somewhere seedy at lunch just to see if i could accidentally run into them. i've been waiting years to meet nikki face to face and ask him just what the hell he was thinking with his psycho bass solo on the generation swine tour. if i met tommy i'd of course ask to see his monster-schlong. if i met vince i'd take him for a beer and try to stare at him hard enough to find the scars. and if i met mick i'd just take his cane and let him grab my arm to walk.

"Johnson" wrote:

Excellent idea.

Where do you think they are staying? They could be in Chicago right now. They go to Moline, IL after Chicago, so maybe they just take off in their separate buses after the show.

From: Amber
Sent: Wednesday, March 09, 2005 10:53 AM
To: Johnson
Subject: RE: Crue


that's a good idea. maybe a before and after type of thing. see if the event lives up to all your expectations. i'm not doing a whole helluva lot today. mayhaps i'll blog on it, too. find some hot links to put in there, lay the visual ground, you know...

"Johnson" wrote:

I’m actually pretty excited about it. I’ve heard there will be dominatrix midgets on the stage at some point. I do like to go back to my “arena metal” roots from time to time. What’s cool is that this actual venue is where I saw a ton of big metal shows back in the old days. When Mark and I went to see Scorps, Whitesnake and Dokken there a couple years ago – it was sort of magical.

As far as the Crue goes, I haven’t seen them since the Girls, Girls, Girls tour. So I’ve never heard “Kickstart” live. Bring it on…

Prediction for how many times Tommy says the word “fuck”: At least 15 (probably that many during the drum solo)
Range of motion for Mick: 1-3” – for the whole show. He will actually be there on stage when we arrive and then hoisted off when we leave
Best looking overall and most energetic: Nikki (despite the years of drugs – he’s our generation’s Keith Richards)
Chances of Vince saying something about the amount of weight he lost or the work he had done: 85%

Okay, I think I’m going to actually make this a blog entry…

From: Amber
Sent: Wednesday, March 09, 2005 10:15 AM
To: Johnson
Subject: Re: Crue


i too am ready to rock out. you're the best for laying this all out for us so we can all rock in a timely manner. thank you for that. i cannot wait. let's start bantering now.
top 5 guesses at surprises for tomorrow night's show:

generation swine neptunes remix medley
nikki's new haircut
vince's new nose
mick's new hip
tommy's same old monster-schlong

Monday, March 07, 2005

Last Hour o' Work

Since St. Patrick's Day is coming and the Irish are world-renowned for their zesty and poignant quotes, toasts and proverbs, I thought it apropos to take some time to go over the best of the best as far as the Irish go. I love all form of word play, so I can easily dedicate a solid hour to digging some of my favorites up to share.

We'll start with my very favorite these days, which just so happens to have dropped from the lips of Irish scribe, Samuel Beckett. It's from his short play, "Krapp's Last Tape" and I've condensed it a tad, ramping up the intensity a bit.

"Perhaps my best years are gone. But I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now."

Some William Butler Yeats, following suit. This is called "A Drinking Song" and I think it is simply beautiful:

Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That’s all that we will know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you and I sigh.

Jonathan Swift takes a moment to pipe in with a toast:

"May you live all the days of your life."

And some lighter toasts and proverbs with a bit more humor and mischief:

God is good, but never dance in a small boat.

But the greatest love--the love above all loves,
Even greater than that of a mother...
Is the tender, passionate, undying love,
Of one beer-drunken slob for another.

Here's to Eileen O'Hara,
For her life it held no terror.
Born a virgin.Died a virgin.
No runs, no hits, no errors.

9 more minutes left of "work". Which reminds me of another Irish proverb, which makes me feel a little guilty, although only fleetingly so, about neglecting my work responsibilities.

The work praises the man.

Only fleetingly guilty I say because I am not a man.