Shameful. Just shameful.

It's been over a month since I've written and I feel just awful about it. To make up for it, I'm fittin' ta really cover a lotta territory in this one. Territory I've covered today alone, as I've been one bored little beaver.

Let's hit it chronologically. This morning I finally got around to checking out Coq Roq (www.coqroq.com), Burger King's much-buzzed chicken strips promo. I gotta lay down my fiddle for BK, as they are really entertaining me lately with this all this chicken shit. First, the Subservient Chicken helped me waste countless hours trying to come up with commands so out-there that no one could've possibly uttered them prior to me. Interactive entertainment at its apex. Now, they've got the baddest gang of chickens hitting the road (I wonder if they travel on the back of a rig in coops) to rock out with their Coq out. I must've listened to 'Nice Box' 10 times this morning and am pissed with Verizon for constantly thwarting my ringtone cravings and not allowing me to download shit to my craptastic phone, which coincidentally is on its last leg these days. Look out Verizon, I may just jump ship on your ass.

Next on the agenda was to catch up on my PageSix time. Gotta get my PS in everyday, I don't care what Vince Vaughn says. I am obsessed with gossip pages, though when it comes right down to it I could really give a rat's fat ass what celebrities do in their spare time and with their private lives. I am just looking for the diversionary entertainment, and right now no one seems to be writing gossip on Sly's Everyday People, so celebrities it is. Though, I do think Everyday People's lives are just as interesting, if not more than the life of the average celebrity. Even though we lack the dogpiles of cash, we still got shit goin' on. Take a look at Cheaters for instance. Never was a fan of Jerry Springer, and here this show is pretty much a Springer on wheels and I love when I get to watch it. No, I do not revel in the pain some of these people are feeling, but I do revel in how stupid some people can be. These people walk the same streets as me, they shop at the same grocery store, drink at the same watering holes. They are far more accessible, so this is why the public doesn't seem to pay close attention to their sordid tales. They are far more intrigued by those removed from them, at least by their perceptions. These celebrities are all involved in the same shit as the "cast" of Cheaters. They cheat, they lie, they hurt, they get hurt- all while being photographed from every angle and 100-words-or-less'd on a daily basis. Give me the time to devote to following the everyday man and I will come up with a library of photos and stories that will clog the mind. Possibly the masses wouldn't catch on. Possibly it's a little to close for comfort to tell the everyman story.

Off that tangent and on to the next. Marc Horowitz is at it again. It's Friday and in true Marc fashion he's come through for me. Today it's the All Day Dance Party Competition, replete with viewer interviews. After watching the competition, of course my vote's for Mangy, but you judge for yourself at http://ineedtostopsoon.com/_NDT_Vids/ADDPC.html. Wish I'd been there to compete. I think Mangy would have a fight on his/her kitten mittens.

And then on to PlanetDan.net, another favorite time killer for me. Dan's blog is particularly amusing, and you should always click on the links within the text, as he's taken the time to include some lovely and helpful visuals. Not to mention, kid's got impeccable taste in music. He's got a Radio.Blog set up and color me chartreuse. I got get the same for mine.

Which reminds me. I'm in the market for a Web site of my own. I have a friend who's offered to design it and a boyfriend who's offered to write some "sweet-ass" code for it, so I should be on the road to greatness. I believe I'll spend part of my afternoon writing a list (j'adore des listes) of what bells and whistles I want on my site. I've been tech-geeking it up lately looking at what others got goin' on and how they set it all up. Here's a blog I spent my morning on: http://www.stephanieklein.blogs.com. According to Technorati, this gal in in the top 1% worldwide for inbound links to her blog. She's parlayed this hubbub into a book advance and an NBC comedy series. I've read through a bit and while she's not the best writer in my opinion, or giving any angle I've never seen before, she's certainly been smart about how she's gone about things. She's also been dogged in her determination to stay current with her postings. Smack in the face for yours truly. So, the heat is on. I've got some ideas and I've got a nice inspired feel rockin' me right now. Of course, to those of you who know me but at all, you know that I can go from inspired to asleep in a matter of minutes. I think it takes getting into a habit and never breaking it. I'm bipolar when it comes to habit. It's all or nothing for me, for everything I do. At least I know that- and what did GI Joe say about knowing? It's half the battle.

While we're on the inspired tip, I'll talk a bit about the Del Close Marathon I just performed in last weekend in New York City (get a rope). Here's the site for you to get a feel: http://delclosemarathon.com. Every year Cheetarah treks out to NYC by car and we do this show. It's pretty much Chicago gone NYC as far as getting out there and seeing everyone you've ever known in the improv world here in Chicago. Many have moved on to "bigger and better" things, meaning they've moved to LA or NYC to get better auditions. It's always good to revisit the good ole days, and for me, it's inspiring to head out there and spend a solid weekend with people who are committed to making the dream happen. Amid the kindred, I suppose you could say, except I work in corporate America and don't have the whole "starving" part of "starving artist" egging me on, pushing me to make it happen. So we do our show, we always do well and revel in being with each other. We listen to everyone tell their tales. We get drunk and do bits, cause this is what we do. This year I secured an upcoming guest appearance with the Hot Karl, ComedySportz' adult improv show Saturday nights at midnight. I have wanted to do that show since the first time I saw it. Talk about seeing an opportunity to shine. Cussing, gratuitous blowjob scenes, rape jokes. I mean, this is my niche. No one cusses more than I do. No one commits more to an anal rape scene. And certainly no one makes more fun of cancer. Anyhow, my spot is coming up on Saturday, August 13th at midnight if you care to come watch. Too fuggin' jacked for this one.

I'm going to sign off on this one now. Not because I am done talking, but because I fear I've lumped too many words together and it could overwhelm. I don't want to overwhelm, or underwhelm, I just want to whelm. I think you can only do that in Europe, though. Also, a beer to anyone who knows which movie I just referenced.

See you soon, contrabassoon.